Lets complain about real life

[Darwoth]

your father likely drinks to excess because of trauma in his life that few other than him are familiar with, he lies about his relationship with you because when he is not drunk and thinking clearly that is probably the relationship he wished he was able to have, now that he is in his 70s his life consists of sitting around remembering all of his regrets.

i don't know the extent of your relationship or estrangement, however your mother is right if you do not reconnect with him after he dies you will wish you had, and when you are in your 70s that will be one of the things you wished you had done differently. even if he was a mega prick your whole life, take the high road and be there for him when he needs you to be. a balanced and confident man does not let their father die alone if given a choice, show him you are that individual whether he admits or not your presence will be appreciated by him and he will be proud of you.

take your ass to the hospital with a bottle of his favorite hooch and get ***** with your dad, seriously.

[Reviresco]

Thanks for the input, Darwoth. (not being sarcastic)

I'm going to go see him. I can't take him booze because he's still was moved out of the critical care unit to progressive care and back to the CCU. They're pretty sure if he makes it out, he'll have to live in a nursing home, and I know without any doubt that he'll kill himself if that happens.

I'm sure the nurses wouldn't have told me if I hadn't asked as if I already knew the answer: he's extremely pissed at me for calling an ambulance, despite the fact that the paramedics and doctors agreed that he lied and they could tell from very obvious signs that he had been lying there on the floor for over a day and was extremely disoriented. I've had so many last-straw moments with him that I was tempted to just say "***** it" and let him live out his last days.

I'll go up there, and he'll probably not see me, despite the fact that I never did anything to him and have been successful in life.

Oh well, whatever happens happens, and if I ever have kids I'll treat them a lot better.

[Darwoth]

np i have a bit of experience helping friends of mine navigate similar types of dysfunction, if want any more of my (probably bad) input send me a pm whenever.

[shizuka]

I'm going to go see him.

i never could get people that say you should love your father no matter what, i never bonded with mine, never loved him, and dont think its 'missing' in my life, ive always wondered how people like you revisco were just borned with infinite natural love and forgiveness for someone just because ur blood related.

[Reviresco]

I'm going to go see him.

i never could get people that say you should love your father no matter what, i never bonded with mine, never loved him, and dont think its 'missing' in my life, ive always wondered how people like you revisco were just borned with infinite natural love and forgiveness for someone just because ur blood related.

Well, most of it is just for my own sanity. I think it would have deleterious effects on me in the long-term if I have to always wonder what could have been. Even if it ends up going terribly and he curses and casts me out after I traveled 417 miles (I'm looking at driving routes because I'm a broke graduate student), I think it would still be better than the unknown.

To say he was a mean drunk would be a laughable understatement. For example, if he had been about a half inch to the left I would have seen him kill my mother with a brass lamp when I was 5. He swung it from the top and the base embedded into a wood paneled wall so far he had to put his foot against the wall to jerk it back out. I didn't see him for two years after that.

I guess you're not supposed to disclose stuff like that on the internet, but I personally don't give a **** if anyone knows. Maybe it makes someone else feel slightly less unusual.

But hey, maybe facing death can inspire you to turn over a new leaf. It still matters, even if you hardly have any time left. They told me, "best case scenario", he may live for few more years, but I highly doubt it. Like I said, if he loses his independence, he'll kill himself.

[Judaism]

i never could get people that say you should love your father no matter what, i never bonded with mine, never loved him, and dont think its 'missing' in my life, ive always wondered how people like you revisco were just borned with infinite natural love and forgiveness for someone just because ur blood related.

I am not religious in any way, I am very skeptical of most things in life but if there is one thing I value alot it is my parents. Altough I do not always show them this in a
physical way.

Either way, you are a product of evolution, you have to be extremely greateful to them, to provide you with the beauty of life and everything it features. They have spent a hell of a lot of their time and money into you. It should not be taken lightly in my perspective. Without them, there would be no you and even when they have abandoned you in any way, they remain your origin.

[shizuka]

Either way, you are a product of evolution, you have to be extremely greateful to them, to provide you with the beauty of life and everything it features.

if u knew even a bit of what they put me trhough u wouldnt think i should be the one grateful anymore. not all parents on earth are to be thanked by their children just because they made them or provided for them.

Well, most of it is just for my own sanity. I think it would have deleterious effects on me in the long-term if I have to always wonder what could have been. Even if it ends up going terribly and he curses and casts me out after I traveled 417 miles (I'm looking at driving routes because I'm a broke graduate student), I think it would still be better than the unknown.

though to come to the point to really forgive him after he almost killed ur mother, must be one tough thing

[saltmummy]

I never had a parent like that, though I must say that though I do love my own father I am also deeply disgusted by him. My stepfather is a better father figure than my real father. Just as a couple examples, I volunteered part of the meager (***** walmart) paycheck for my first job to help my father pay bills. He and his wife used that money on leisure stuff instead and yet still had the gall to ***** about their bills. At one point I awoke to a note telling me that they wanted 260$ of every paycheck I received (about 2/3 of every paycheck) so they could put it in a checking account only they would have access to "for my own good." If he had just said "I need more money from you" it wouldn't have been an issue, but instead they decided to lie about it and tell me they would be saving my money for me, even though I already had a savings account of my own. I kept that note as a reminder. Lastly, when I lost my job to walmart shenanigans (***** walmart), he decided the next day to throw me out of his house. The ultimatum he gave me was "Find an apartment or move out and don't come back." I wasn't aware I had been such a ****** son. Fortunately, I had already decided to move to help take care of my mother and grandparents.

Thanks for the advice Dallane, the people who I ordered from are sending a new keyboard. I didn't even have to threaten them or get serious. I just had to say "The keyboard you sent me is busted" and they said "sorry to hear it, we are sending you another one." As simple as that. The people who I bought the replacement monitor from jerked me around all over the place and it took about 2 months to get it fixed.

Either way, you are a product of evolution, you have to be extremely greateful to them, to provide you with the beauty of life and everything it features.

"So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How incredibly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cuz theirs ****** all down here on earth."

[edit] wow, thats a word you can't say on the forums?

[Flame]

I'm a logic person and i often talk about serious things ina serious way (too much serious prolly), but there is a thing where no logic or rationalism have to be used. Childs.
I'm just coming back from a trip to see my family and my brother's family. We was in a house outside city, with chickens and stuff like that. Really a good place for my nepews, but i'm worried about my brother way to be a father.
He's so Logic.
So logic that i often have to see werid robotic situations.

The son (age 7) eat the meal quickly and say "I'm done!" satisfied for his short time. The father says "ok" and the son says (in a less adult way) "I tought you were going to say i was fast." a bit courios and sad. The father just say "No, i know i gave a few meal to you".

Oh.

Ok.

Hem.
I think my brother just didn't saw any message there, like a "Dad, play with me".
It's not a problem itself. Is a simple, stupid meal and a simple, stupid joke, but this is just an example on how he talk and lives with his child. He can't see with theyr eyes, and so he often miss so many chances to be a good father.
He do his best to gain money, repair the bicicles, drive, do work, stuff, etc etc etc
But then he completely miss what's less logic and more important. Relation.

Unlukly i'm not good at talk to him... He have a thick wall and he locked his feelings behind that wall, so he's now blind and can't see what i say.

Is so bad to see those childs grow insecure and too much rational, because i see them confused. They think they are "stupid", because a child doesn't have the strenght to face his own errors when he's too much rational.
To be rational one needs experience and memory, in order to know his feelings and use them in a rational way. A 7 years old baby can't, since he still don't know his feelings and know so little. All he can "Rationalize" is that he did something wron, and (not knowing enough to understand when it is a problem or not) he think it's ALWAYS a problem, and so he now thinks he's stupid.
This is the logic of feelings.
My brother banned the feelings and so he sees only logic. This can't work on a son.

Sigh.
I'm in that family and i'm chained, because is not my family, is my brother's one. I wonder how will he be able to hold his childs when they will be enough big to kick him out of his life? He's risking this, a BIG crack. I foresee it and i feel incapable of advise him.

I'm on a pullman right now, pretty nauseous, so i blame it for my ****** post!

[Paradoxyc]

Wow, reading this thread makes me think I am very lucky to have a decent family life, although my parents are divorced.

My only current real life gripe is that my college exams are made and graded by everyone BUT my actual professors. No one to complain to after I totally bomb a midterm