Funny quotes :)

[Qiresea]

Of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most

Ozzy Osbourne

[gorniksam]

“My father always said I would do something big one day.‘I’ve got a feeling about you, John Osbourne,’ he’d tell me, after he’d had a few beers.‘You’re either going to do something very special, or you’re going to go to prison.’
And he was right, my old man.
I was in prison before my eighteenth birthday.”

Ozzy Osbourne

[Taipion]

The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom,
for you never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.
- William Blake


[edit for one more:]
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
- Terry Pratchett

[Trismegistus]

The Meaning of Life composed by Trismegistus taken from quotes by Karl Pilkington:

"The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't know, dangling at the bottom somewhere."

"Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?"

"And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding."

"Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.”

"You've always got to expect the worst, haven't you? That's why we pop a seat belt on when we get in a car."

"If you can't do it, don't do it."

"If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsdG6n3Jyo0

[saltmummy]

Every silver lining has a dark dark cloud.
-George Carlin

One thing they don't tell you, in the parenting book,
You're love for them grows, the closer to dead they look.
-Tim Minchin

[DarkNacht]

“If my Spreadeagles Wasn't so Tight I'd Loosen my Cursits on that Bunch of Maggiestraps...”
― James Joyce

[Inotdead]

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

- Harlan Ellison

[Adelewhy]

"I've always said, what doesn't kill you make you....... stranger."

--- Salem Madness (at least that's where I first heard it)

[Kandarim]

Here's a couple I liked:

“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

"No."
- Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III Scene III Line 88

"If you are absolutely hopeless at something, you lack exactly the skills you need to know that you are absolutely hopeless. It explains a great deal of life. It explains -particularily- Hollywood."
-John Cleese

"The dinosaurs didn't have a space program, much less telescopes, so it didn't end very well for them." - Matthew Francis (ArsTechnica)