for a less serious conversation.

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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby belgear » Wed May 11, 2016 9:34 pm

a brunette and a blonde are walking down the street
an incredibly good looking fellow (we are talking Dave Franco beautiful here) walks by.
the brunette notices that he has reallllly bad dandruff
"God, someone needs to give him some head and shoulders!" she tells the blonde in a whisper
.
.
.
.
"How the ***** do you give shoulders?" the blonde replies with a confused look
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby belgear » Wed May 11, 2016 9:34 pm

Icon wrote:not sure if i should lol or gag, but godamn thats funny

100% agree
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby Icon » Wed May 11, 2016 9:39 pm

Oh were doing blond jokes now? 2 blonds are walking through the woods when they come across some tracks, the first blond says "those are deer tracks" the second blond says "no, those are bear tracks". They were still arguing when the train hit them
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby Lusewing » Wed May 11, 2016 10:27 pm

A farmer we know called O'Doole,
Had a long and incredaible tool.
He could use it to plough,
Or pleasure a cow,
Or just a cue-stick at pool.
Do not argue with idiots, for they will pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby Heffernan » Wed May 11, 2016 10:45 pm

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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby Dallane » Wed May 11, 2016 11:14 pm

Heffernan wrote:Chinese Kindergarten...

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You are not on the offender list in china i see.....
Please click this link for a better salem forum experience

TotalyMeow wrote: Claeyt's perspective of Salem and what it's about is very different from the devs and in many cases is completely the opposite of what we believe.
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby kitty629 » Wed May 11, 2016 11:30 pm

The CIA had a job opening for a hitman. They had 3 potential candidates. Two men and one woman.
For the interview all three were called to a building downtown and told to bring their spouses.

The first candidate arrived and was handed a gun and told to go into the next room where his wife was sitting and kill her. The man said "that's crazy no way will I do that."
So the interviewer explained that the man did not have what it takes for this job.

The second candidate, another man, arrived and was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. A few moments later he came out sobbing. He said "I just can not do it."
The interviewer told him he did not have what it takes for the job.

The third candidate arrived, the woman, and was given the same instructions. She took the gun and went into the room. A shot was fired. Then a second shot. Then a large commotion with banging and screaming. A few minutes later the woman emerged from the room, wiping the sweat off her brow. She looked at the interviewer and said" that gun was full of blanks, I had to beat him to death with the chair."

The moral of the story is women are crazy dont ***** with us!
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby saltmummy » Wed May 11, 2016 11:42 pm

Once there was this guard. Or a policeman, if you like, but I'm gonna say guard. The guard was pursuing some criminals as they fled the scene of a crime. After awhile, the guard entered a canyon in pursuit of the criminals and got lost. You know the kind of canyons, maze like and hard to climb out of. Anyways. Eventually the guard finds his way out of the labyrinthine canyon and into a desert. Not knowing if the criminals had even come this way but not wanted to let them get away, he pushed on into the desert. After awhile, the desert gave way to desert hardpan. Still, the guard pressed on and on until he realized that he was quiet thirsty. He looked around but didn't see any sign of water for miles. Just the seemingly endless expanse of the hardpan... and what appeared to be a lever. Or a switch, if you like, but I'm gonna say it was a lever. He walked up to the lever and found that it was a rather simple thing with a red handle, set into the ground but not really hooked up to anything or so it seemed. The guard, feeling a bit like a madman on his last legs, reach out for the lever when a voice stopped him. "DON'T PULL THAT! THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!" The guard blinked, and looked around. He thought he had heard someone speak, but he didn't see anyone. Looking back to the lever, he once again raised his hand to pull the lever and again the voice came; "I SAID DON'T PULL THAT LEVER! THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!!" Now the guard felt like a madman whose last legs had completely given out and was now reduced to walking on his hands. He looked all around. Left, right, up, and then down. Just then, he spotted a snake laying in the shadow of the lever. "Hey," said the guard "did you just talk?" The snake looked up at him and said "Yes, my name is Nate, Please don't pull this lever. The world will blow up if you do, and I have been tasked with guarding it." The guards mind reeled, but the possibilities he saw before him seemed endless. "Hey, a talking snake, now thats something I've never seen before. How would you like to go into show business with me Nate?" Nate pondered for a moment and then said "No... I don't think so. I really gotta guard this lever. It's really important. Wouldn't want the world to blow up." The guard smirked and replied, "Really though? C'mon, how many people have you seen besides me out here?" Nate thought some more about it. "Yeah, I guess you are right. You are probably the first person I've seen out here as long as I've guarded this lever. Well... Ok then, I was starting to get lonely anyway." And so began the careers of Nate the talking snake and the Guard. They made their way out of the hardpan, out of the desert, through the labyrinthine canyons, and back to civilization where they became the most popular late night TV comedy duo on television. They had guest celebrities, they did lots of skits, musical guests, and naked dancing ladies. The two of them made a ton of money, but more importantly they built up a strong friendship. The country loved the Nate the talking snake and guard show. One night though, as the guard was passing Nates dressing room, a woman on his arm, he noticed Nates dressing room door was ajar. "Go on without me toots, I'll catch up." he told the buxom beauty accompanying him. The guard found Nate sitting at his dressing room mirror, staring into it with worry in his eyes. "Hey buddy, something bothering you?" He asked. Nate turned to him, "Hm? Oh, I didn't see you there guard. Yeah. I'm a bit worried about that lever. It's been awhile since I left it and every day I worry that someone is gonna find it and pull it. I think... I think I should go back." The guard sat down next to Nate. He wanted to talk him out of going back, he wanted to tell him it would be fine, but to be honest, the guard worried a bit about the lever too and he knew, as a guard himself, Nate had a duty to guard that lever. They did one last show together, Nates fond farewell to his adoring fans. Nate went back to the hardpan to stand watch over the lever that could blow up the world, and the guard went back to guarding. One night, as the guard sat drinking and thinking of his old friend and those good old days, he suddenly realized, "I'm a guard. Why am I just sitting around here moping around? I could be guarding that lever with my best friend. I SHOULD be guarding that lever with my best friend!" and so, collecting up what funds he had left from the DVD sales of his and Nates show, the guard hailed a cab (or a wagon, either way, but I'm gonna say it was a cab) and jumped in. The driver recognized him immediately "Hey! Your that guard guy from the Nate the talking snake and guard show! Man, I loved that show. Where can I take you?" The guard shoved a wad of bills into the drivers hand and said in a high and hurried voice, "I'm going to find my best friend! Here, I'll guide you there!" The cab navigated the canyon, crossed the desert, and entered the desert hardpan, but as the cab approached the area where the guard had met Nate all that time ago, the lever suddenly came into view straight in front of the vehicle. "DON'T HIT THAT LEVER!" the guard cried "THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!" and so the driver swerved... straight at Nate. "LOOK! IT'S NATE! DON'T RUN OVER NATE!" The cab driver once again swerved, straight at the lever! "NO! DON'T HIT THE LEVER, THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!" and so the driver swerved back... and ran over Nate.

The moral of this story is...
better Nate, than lever
Darwoth wrote:you know, cause they were obviously fascist white supremacist burrito nazis.

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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby Icon » Wed May 11, 2016 11:50 pm

:|
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Re: for a less serious conversation.

Postby saltmummy » Wed May 11, 2016 11:51 pm

Icon wrote::|

Pretty much :D
Darwoth wrote:you know, cause they were obviously fascist white supremacist burrito nazis.

I had a great dream where I was a handsome skeleton in a tower.
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