Salem Movie Reviews: The Last Survivors

[TotalyMeow]

Updated with Black Death (2010).

I've seen this and liked it, but had to go back and watch it while pretending it's Salem. Even better!

For the time being I'm going to stick to movies that seem more related to Salem.

I thought if Pillars of the Earth, but it's so loooong.

[hitori]

Gluttony: We watch in horror as our party gluttons a large session composed entirely of Bread. I don't think a single bile is gained.

ahh nice one

[TotalyMeow]

Going to give this a try:

Valhalla Rising (2009)



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0862467/

Tags: Crime!, Raiding, Titans, Darkness

This movie begins with a 1v1 between a titan and another combat alt. Though the titan wins, he seems to be trapped on a town claim behind a makeshift fence and so cannot escape. The town members are keeping the titan trapped for their own amusement. However, he soon escapes with the help of a newbie town member who turns out to be his teleporter alt.

With his alt on autofollow, he walks to a more populated area where he meets a band of raiders who have been pillaging leantos and small claims and persecuting newbies. He speaks in area chat using only his alt, but they know he is a titan and are happy to put up with the eccentricity. They recruit him.

With their new titan and his alt in tow, they decide to strike out for juicier targets in the darkness. After a long and arduous journey during which they experience severe darkness drain, they reach the influence of a church and know their prey is near. However, after one too many trespasses, one of their number takes a crit from a brazier and KOs and the party realizes they've bitten off more than they can chew.

Their leader insists they attempt the raid anyway. The other party members object. Classic backstabbing and betrayal ensue and the party breaks up. The leader attacks the town anyway, KOs to brazier fire, and dies to a drowning bug.

Unable to regen due to their Crime! debuff, the rest of the party KO one by one, some to darkness drain, some to bleed effects. Finally, the Titan is caught in a 9 v 1 with the local town and murdered. The alt manages to teleport home.

Combat: Not as much as you might expect. A few swords, a bit of cleaving. The stun effect of a good club is ably demonstrated by the darkness town.

Crafting: Just before he escapes captivity, the titan is holding a piece of flint. Seconds later, he is holding an axe. He also puts down a build sign and begins loading stones into it at one point.

Gluttony: None at all. In fact, the raiders are so ill-prepared, they don't even bring enough regen food along.

Base Design: What we do see is pretty bad, no more than a few makeshift fences. Maybe the darkness town has a good design, but we never get to see it.

Witchcraft: It is implied that the titan might be suffering from a curse. Or maybe he just took one too many Satan Salts.

Would Recommend?: Yes, especially if you pretend they immediately went to whine on the forums when it was over.

Breakdown:

IMDB Rating: 6.0
Bond Villians: 1
Literal stabs in the back: 1
Figurative stabs in the back: At least 2
Hideous disembowelments: 1
Boobs: ~4
Angry PMs to the devs demanding character restores: At least 3.
Inexplicable bear noises: >20
Raiders KOed or dead: ~6
Runtime: 92 minutes

[Rubberduckbandit]

This thread is such beauty

[pistolshrimp]

Valhalla Rising (2009)

So, so many LOLs! I was going to quote my favorite lines from your review by there were too many.

[Thor]

Jesus can't stop laughing at Meow's review

[TotalyMeow]

[Thor]

Laughing in a good way don't worry!

[Brona]

This whole thread is great.

[Fduch]

Do the review for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Its full of cleaving, pocket watches and bug abusers. One minute he is KO, next minute he is back in combat - wtf! They even have cannons patched in at the very end - completely destroying the balance of PVP