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Friends,
After many many months of undercover work and snooping I have come across some very interesting secrets involving Paradox and the Seatribe devs.
The team meets every Thursday around a table covered with recent QQ threads. They all wear hats which are on the cutting edge of style in Sweden at the moment except for one member who always insists on wearing silly hats to the meetings every week. I've been told that the others are constantly prodding Jorb to wear a decent hat but he insists that his hat is indeed, "cool y'all". The Dev team is in all of our prayers here at the Coles Report and we hope that they are able to convince him otherwise.
Here is a rare leaked photograph of the Paradox Team hard at work taken by our top spy Mushibag while abroad. This is highly classified and the image may be censored by Paradox. Be sure to right click the image and open in a new tab to view it fully as it's rather large and Mushi didn't bother to scale it down so as to give you the full, real effect of what was going on.
I managed to meet with Jorb personally to get some insider info for you all regarding his terrible choice in hats among other things.
(He was wearing a silly hat at the time)
JordanColes: Now Jorb, we're all very worried about you and your hat choice and your team has told me specifically to bring this issue up first. Do you think you could ever branch out and maybe wear something more fashionable for where you live?
Jorb: You know, I'm getting really tired of people saying my hats are silly. They help me come up with great ideas like when I removed the ability for crossroads in haven to be placed indoors, or when I spawned all of those snakes in Boston.
JordanColes: Yes, we all remember the snakes in Boston. #pras. But let's move on and maybe come back to this later. What have you been working on recently in Salem?
Jorb: Well we've recently added tree planting to the game which I'm sure everyone is very happy about. I've also personally made it so that you can light torches with lit stoves. I believe you suggested that idea yourself didn't you?
JordanColes: Why yes, yes I did. Do you feel like our friendship magic will go on forever?
Jorb: Of course!
JordanColes: Swell
We would normally turn to HustlingJimmies for his view from the skies but he's home sick today so the Flying Jimmies Report will be conducted by Dallane.
JordanColes: Dallane how's the weather in Salem today??
Dallane: I DID IT! I DID IT!11 PoT4lyfe420blazeitfgt!
JordanColes: Thank you Dallane.
So as you can see no weather yet in Salem and none to be predicted for the near future.
And now it's time for the part of the show where you, the Salem Beta Testers ask the Devs and Admins questions about Salem!
TotalyMoo wrote:darnokpl wrote:TotalyMoo wrote:
Hmm this is one of those post when other people read content before author does
I didn't understand that.
![¦]](./images/smilies/troll.gif "Trollface")
There you have it! An Admin response folks!
In other news Seatribe has decided to change their official logo! Yes you heard it here first on the Coles Report! The Seatribe logo is set to change by the end of Christmas! Here is a rough sketch of the new design Mushibag was able to dig out of his constant prodding while abroad.
As you can imagine this is humbling to the Coles Report staff and we are almost tempted to decline their generous offer to feature us in their logo. It's almost too much, our heads are swelling with pride.
That concludes the first episode of the Coles Report. Save up your hopes friends.
De Furtivis Literarum Notis by Giovanni Battista della Porta
