Salami Log Saga - A True Story

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Salami Log Saga - A True Story

Postby pistolshrimp » Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:10 pm

Day 1: Discovery
Today, when modifying my radar I came across an odd entry in my cache files - salamilog.cache. Nothing comes up on the wiki when I search, so I throw it into my xml.

I’m kinda dumb so I think salamilog is short for Salamander Log. I assumed picking up on of these logs would cause a salamander to run out. I think I’m out here gaming the system by putting it into my radar - I’ll find all the Salamander Logs!

Day 2: First Encounter

Finally a salamilog shows up on my mini map. I’m excited. I walk right to it and there’s nothing there. I turn off and on my custom radar. I look in all the nearest stumps, pick up the closest log. Not a single salamander.

Hmmm. I had work so I couldn’t investigate further but ‘lucky me’ it was still there on my mini-map when I logged back in about 9 hours later. Still nothing on the ground tho.


Now I get the bright idea to right click it on my mini-map. The option is to drink and let me tell you I got down on my knees and sucked that ***** salamander log dry. Full & Fed up for 3 goddamn days...

Later I found it on the wiki as a madness event.
The world's largest salami
Logs fallen on the ground appear in a salami texture.

This is where I became confused. There wasn’t anything there. No salami textured log, not even a regular textured log. But perhaps I wasn’t paying attention...

Day 3 - Terrifying Implications

I didn’t think about it much until I found another “salimilog” in the wilderness. This time I double checked everything; zooming in and out, looking from every angle, I was going to see that damn log if it killed me, but, there really wasn’t anything there.


So how do Salami Logs work? Right now I have 3 possibilities:

1. I was having a psychotic episode (multiple in fact) and Salami Logs are bugged.

2. Invisible Salami Logs were scattered throughout Salem when they were introduced and only if you’re character has enough madness can you can see it.

3 - The most terrifying of the possibilities - that each time a character has this type of psychotic episode it spawns a Salami Log permanently into the world of the game, only that character can see it, but it’s there, invisible forever unless some brave soul sucks it up. Your characters are walking over Salami Logs all the time without even knowing it. Over time more and more Salami Logs are created, eventually covering ever square inch of the map until one day the game can’t handle it and crashes. The Salami-Death of the universe.

I don’t sleep much tonight - I lie awake in bed, thinking of the implications.

Day 4 - A New Day

Curious, I set out to find my next Salami Log for further information.
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Re: Salami Log Saga - A True Story

Postby belgear » Mon Jul 01, 2019 4:11 pm

You may investigate my salamilog if you like.
I've a forest of them ¦]
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Re: Salami Log Saga - A True Story

Postby Ronch » Mon Jul 01, 2019 4:49 pm

Salami log spam clogs triggered at every blood moon.
Everything in the universe makes sense now !
Sorry that you had a character die to reveal this.
Reviresco wrote:I log into this game and have fun.
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