Natives to Salem Revealed!

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Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby jwhitehorn » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:26 am

Greetings Fine Pilgrims of Salem,
Today I come here with dire news and I urge you all to read this message in its entirety! While The White Man was frolocking around Salem, picking up our feathers and arrowheads and murdering our sacred rabbits we have been here.... Watching and Waiting...... Waiting and Watching..... But as of today we can watch no longer.

Who We Are

I have been called many things in my many days on Mother Earth. "Savages", "Natives", "One with great Log Between his Legs", just to name a few. However, my name is Chief PeePooKaka and I represent the tribe that has existed in these lands long before you downloaded your client, the tribe that will be here long after you quit, and the tribe that shall no longer stand for the injustices against Mother Earth ever since you dirty Pilgrims landed and formed your precious teepee of stone you so lovingly refer to as The Boston.

The Escalation

Some of you may be reading this completely oblivious to the tresspasses you have made against my people. I am not talking about your silly mechanic for walking on Claims. Only the white man would be foolish enough to believe that land could truly be "owned" anyway. No. I talk about the tresspasses you have made both culturally and spiritually to both yourselves and the great spirits. Below you will see just a few examples of this via photo evidence that I have collected in the last few weeks.

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Here I find lone White Man in field, murdered. All throughout the lands I continue to find "evidence" of these occurrences. Some members of my tribe say

"Chief PeePooKaKa why do you care so much if white man kills eachother?"

And I explain to them. It is not that White Man is huge noob and permadeaths themselves that make me sad. It is that they do not even have the most simple of respects to bury the bodies and yet we are the ones known as savages! Next I want you to take a look at this:

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Do you notice something missing? I know white man not smart so I will explain to you. THERE ARE NO TREES! In one of these trees I had carved out the perfect crevice, and when my young squaw was away for days at a time I would sometimes visit this tree and...... Well this is not important. What is important is that trees are disappearing from our lands at an alarming rate and you Pilgrims appear to have not a care in the world. Just how do you think you will get more trees? Have you ever tried to PLANT a tree? I'm going to be honest we have lived here for generations and we still havn't figured it out. The point is that we respected our beloved trees as Mother Nature had intended and recently The White Man has been acting like a Tree slapped his mother and all trees must pay for it. This must stop! And just when you think it could not get worse.... TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:


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What you are looking at above is officially where you have gone too far! Dozens of our fellow creatures, slaughtered and skinned left to waste away. The White Man can not even be bothered to butcher his kill let alone thank it for the nurishment and clothing that it provides. We have existed with Beaver and Deer for generations and much like the interesting "MMMF" we have learned to waste nothing. At first we decided to teach the Beaver our patented roflcopter technology which we trained them to mimic upon a simple tune which you may or may not have heard us playing from behind a bush. While I'm happy to say that it worked the first few times against the Pilgrims, like any good virus you are adapting. The beever and Deer are now helpless to your sworded masses!

Conclusion

I am giving you Pilgrims exactly ONE chance to get back onto the boats from which you arrived and return to your lands. Those who are interested in living WITH mother nature may stay. Those who continue to chop down our trees and butcher our animal companions will feel the full might of my tribe. For the previous weeks you have waged an all out war against Mother Earth... In the weeks to follow Mother Earth shall fight back. You have been warned.

Image

Sincerely,
Chief PeePooKaKa
MM Tribe
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby adudau » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:19 am

Cool story but maybe you should've edited out the CONQUISTADOR helmet in the first pics too... you know... The rest was nice read, Chief "One with great Log Between his Legs" :D.
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby jwhitehorn » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:34 am

adudau wrote:Cool story but maybe you should've edited out the CONQUISTADOR helmet in the first pics too... you know... The rest was nice read, Chief "One with great Log Between his Legs" :D.


And maybe you should learn the difference between your so called "Conquistador Helmet" and a Manta Ray carcas with a Shark Fin sewn to the top of it.

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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby Tonkyhonk » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:34 am

what an excellent thread! ive enjoyed it so much.
wish you didnt wield a sword and have red hair, though.

so how did you happen to be in England to take the ship to Boston? were you fishing and got your shipwrecked?
what does MM of MM tribe stand for? How old are you and how long have you been a chief now?
i guess id better have an interview with you sometime!

waiting for more news from YOUR side. ¦]
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby jwhitehorn » Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:08 am

Tonkyhonk wrote:what an excellent thread! ive enjoyed it so much.
wish you didnt wield a sword and have red hair, though.

so how did you happen to be in England to take the ship to Boston? were you fishing and got your shipwrecked?
what does MM of MM tribe stand for? How old are you and how long have you been a chief now?
i guess id better have an interview with you sometime!

waiting for more news from YOUR side. ¦]



Ah Yes! Rumors of you have made it to our tribe. We refer to you as "ManyLetters" based on our scouts returning with information that you will soon be circulating your thoughts on paper. Our tribe finds this to be a facinating concept. Both the fact that the White Man is capable of thought, and the concept of WRITING their history. We employ a much more sophisticated historical archive known as http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_tradition

Recently youngsters in our tribe have begun using the term as slang for something they are doing to cure an ailment we refer to as "The Not So Straight Dowsing Rod". But prior to that Oral Tradition was purely a reference to the custom we have of passing down our stories and history from generation to generation. We find that this is a way to make our older and more useless tribesmen feel productive and we are glad to see that the White Man has created a similar job for you.

I have noticed that your inferior mind has many questions for Chief PeePooKaKa. While I appreciate your appetite to learn I'm afraid that in these lands we have a very sacred structure called PeePooKaKa's Teepee of Wisdom. Perhaps sometime in the future I will share this with some of The other White Men but what you must know is that in the Teepee you are allowed only one question @ a time. In this case I will use your first one.

Q: "so how did you happen to be in England to take the ship to Boston?"

A: As was stated originally we did not abandon our homes and flee to these lands such as yourselves. We speculate you were driven out of your old home "england" due to your horrible smell. Per the Oral Tradition of our Spiritual Guide we were born in these lands from a large Apple that was planted here by the Great Spirits themselves.

I look forward to answering more of your questions when you next visit the PeePooKaKa's Teepee of Wisdom. In the meantime I hope you heed our warnings well young ManyLetters.

Chief PeePooKaKa
MM Tribe
Last edited by jwhitehorn on Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby Droj » Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:27 am

Scalps or it didn't happen!
***** the Treaty!
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby MvGulik » Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:34 am

Droj wrote:Scalps or it didn't happen!

:lol:
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby jenngrll » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:00 am

Hello Forums, My English name is: jenngrll But I am now known as "Hairless Beaver". I feel like I should just introduce myself and give you a bit of my story. I was captured by this tribe very early in my Salem life. They invited me into their land but upon entering they quickly shut and locked the gates. Forced with the looming threat of being KO'd for being locked on their homestead I agreed to be captured and have been living with them ever since
I can tell you first-hand that these people mean business. Over time I have grown to accept what was once my prison as my new home even though they bark orders for me to get back in the kitchen even though they don't have one.
As a former Englishwoman I just felt I should warn you all that PeePooKaKa is the real deal
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby Tonkyhonk » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:07 am

jwhitehorn wrote:Q: "so how did you happen to be in England to take the ship to Boston?"

A: As was stated originally we did not abandon our homes and flee to these lands such as yourselves. We speculate you were driven out of your old home "england" due to your horrible smell. Per the Oral Tradition of our Spiritual Guide we were born in these lands from a large Apple that was planted here by the Great Spirits themselves.

meh, that was one lame reply, considering how well youve done in op. im disappointed.
id prefer Bokonon's Calypsos.
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Re: Natives to Salem Revealed!

Postby jwhitehorn » Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:52 pm

Tonkyhonk wrote:
jwhitehorn wrote:Q: "so how did you happen to be in England to take the ship to Boston?"

A: As was stated originally we did not abandon our homes and flee to these lands such as yourselves. We speculate you were driven out of your old home "england" due to your horrible smell. Per the Oral Tradition of our Spiritual Guide we were born in these lands from a large Apple that was planted here by the Great Spirits themselves.

meh, that was one lame reply, considering how well youve done in op. im disappointed.
id prefer Bokonon's Calypsos.


It appears that ManyLetters has been offended. Chief PeePooKaKa believes that this is because ManyLetters has had his feelings hurt that I have not graced his thread with my presence. In an effort to extend the Olive Branch I will now go read your newspaper ManyLetters.

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