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Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:49 am
by Claeyt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALEM

____________________________________________________________________________

Well it's been 5 years of Salem. It's gone through 3 gaming companies, 5 servers, almost 69,000 registered accounts, 18,000 topics, 280,000 posts, 8 Chiefs, 5 Heffernans and one Biddas.

It all started when 2 gay Swedish game developers named jorb and loftar, who were deeply in love with one another, in what can only be described as a gay version of the movie 'Titanic' but with more hidden penises, decided to design a game. They decided to create a game about having to manage infinitely smaller alchemical values so as to spam farm your fields for hours on end. To win the server all you needed to do was travel the world with a bucket to find 10% pure water in all 4 colors. Unfortunately this wasn't marketable and Totalymoo had to cut them loose with nothing to show for it but the fully coded game and 2 years of salaried masturbation.

Luckily they eventually sold out to MM gaming who introduced space aliens and massively increased the number of hats and capes for us to wear.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Some new players have come up to me asking for some history about the early in-game and forum politics...

These are my recollections:


The very first EVER player post to the forums would define the next 5 years of the forum's substance and its meaning to the actual game.

Image


As great minds and deep philosophers such as Ass_Kraken, Realak, painhertz, Dallane and Colesie debated the important topics of the day such as Colesie's guitar work, Realak's rap career and the importance of forum spamming so as to maintain a feeling of self worth, other players were forming zergs so as to kill newbs.

The HnH guys couldn't understand how to walk around 3 dimensional trees so they quit early

Darnok raised a phalanx of Polish winged cavalry and for an early moment in the beginning controlled the server.

Darwoth was mocked by all and found out he couldn't play well with others.

Image


Eventually a greater power would be formed and take over the initial Plymoth Rock server, forcing jorb and loftar to create better, more fun servers.

...eventually even the mighty Tribe spectacularly failed.

So goes Salem, THE LAND OF LOST PILGRIMS and PROVIDENCE OF SPAMMED NONSENSE

5 Greatest Raids of Salem so far:

5. The Second Sacking of the City of Dreams/Hunkpapa
4. The Looting of Gudtown
3. The Battle of Brest Fortress ending the last great Russian town on Plymouth
2. The Raid on Mushiville finally ending the Rebellion on Plymouth
1. The Great Fall of Gallows Hill

* I would have included the 4 month siege of Arcadia but we still have no footage OR thread of this from Darwoth 2 years after it happened but he keeps promising to give us pics from his massive file of Salem pics.


5 Greatest PvP Battles of Salem so far:

5. The Lilypad Waste Claim Wars
4. Kristian raid on Moleburg crews
3. The full Candy Gang rangering the last 3 titan Russian raiders of the 'City of Dreams'
2. The Death of Mushibag
1. The Battle of Lake Nod ..... Full Thread

5 Greatest Forum Threads of Salem so far:

5. The Day of Grandmothers/The Candy Queen gets trapped by Darwoth
4. The Treaty
3. The Great Roanoke Scavanger Hunt
2. ***** the Treaty
1. The Moderation Complaints Megathread

5 Greatest Tribe Videos of Salem so far:

5. Make Love not War
4. The Tribe attacks a dev ingame
3. The Fall of Gallows Hill
2. 'The Tribes' Harlem Shake video
1. Porn Stars payed to Larp and advertise for 'The Treaty' in RL

Here's to the next 5 years of Salem.

You can kin my merch alt at hs: 11% Water Source

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:23 am
by Judaism
A joyful history.

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 6:02 pm
by Dallane
shut up clay

Claeyt wrote:Some new players have come up to me asking for some history about the early in-game and forum politics...


No one has done this.

It's also been more than 5 years or are you talking about the forums birthday?

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:43 pm
by Kandarim
do the paradox forums not count?
For archeological reasons, here's my closed beta invite:

salembeta.png
salembeta.png (176.6 KiB) Viewed 16410 times

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:08 pm
by Dallane
Kandarim wrote:do the paradox forums not count?


They do clay is just once again demonstrating is knows nothing about this game.

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:16 pm
by Judaism
I was lurking for a key for weeks and then finally there was a site that had a few keys up for the grabs :)

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:35 pm
by Darwoth
i was going to try not to **** on claeyts first post back even after he poo pooed at me over the claegue threads of late i was trying to include him in. but that is definitely a pretty lackluster list of "stuff" that you have continually repeated for years now as "the greatest this or that" some might be fairly notable, but most of the things you pointed out are pretty minor. maybe if you played the game since roanoke other than to log in and stand in town for ten minutes when you hear a rumor to try and catch pieces of gossip to whisper about you would be current.

also myself nor any of those other people you mentioned have ever "hunted" you in game and i get tired of you continually flouting your (supposedly, not like anyone would ever know since you tend to name your characters along the lines of something that sounds like a constipated cartoon character) lack of deaths in the face of all these "hunters" that have spent a combined 0 seconds looking for you in game. i could locate your holdings assuming you have any in under a week when i am actively playing. the only "hunting" of claeyt that has ever occured in game is when i murdered a bunch of flagged alts in the middle of roanoke next to you and then spent the next two+ years chasing you around town with binks and later methuzelah with murder animation spins until the insanity patch added a level hit for each one.

btw, your main was one of the first characters i met randomly in the field on providence mr bombadil, pretty sure i even still have you kinned on the scout i was on at the time. you were out prospecting, as was i. i KOed you but did not kill you as you had like 30 hp, newb clothes and around 100 silver. did not have murder on that dude and it was not worth the effort to run another guy out so i let you go. oh how i wish i had known at the time just who the bloodied newb at my feet was :lol:


edit: what the ***** are you talking about? darnok never controlled anything, not even his own town perimeter :lol:

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:40 pm
by Darwoth
Judaism wrote:I was lurking for a key for weeks and then finally there was a site that had a few keys up for the grabs :)


lol back during paradox alpha we got keys because one of my guildmates girlfriends offered to send jorb a picture of her tits for a handful of guild keys, being a big flaming european **** and what not he did not want titty pics but he did give us like 5 or 6 keys anyway :lol:

its really to bad i am the only one that played, if even two had stuck it out with me salem would have been a very very different game all this time.

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:02 pm
by Dallane
I like how one of his greatest raids is a dead town with zero loot and everything destroyed 6 months b4 it was raided.

Re: Happy 5th Birthday Salem

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:33 pm
by Judaism
Some are not entirely accurate in ranking or at all, I agree. A lot of it seems focused on 2012-2013 but then again a lot more did happen prior server merge. Some great fights, as silly and noobish they were also went on in Popham and victories over servers also should be in the books.

Either way, who cares he's biased and tries to give some remote objective perspective.