The Salemite™

Forum for In-Game politics, relations, matters of justice, and other in-game topics.

Re: The Salemite™

Postby 火車 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:58 pm

Mushibag wrote:-Scissors.-


Amour made the original templates, images, and so on and so forth; as well as the few stories that were in it. Blame him for the **** grammar as it is not his strong suit. All I did was crop the image to work on these forums for him.

Sincerely,

The Vulpes Family.
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Re: The Salemite™

Postby Amour_Vulpes » Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:00 pm

Mushibag wrote:I'm sorry for making you come out of the closet. Feel free to go back in now.


Nope. This time I'll publicly sexually harass you in the forums instead of in the Skype chat now. ^.^
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Re: The Salemite™

Postby Mushibag » Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:01 pm

Amour_Vulpes wrote:
Mushibag wrote:I'm sorry for making you come out of the closet. Feel free to go back in now.


Nope. This time I'll publicly sexually harass you in the forums instead of in the Skype chat now. ^.^

Thanks for not scissoring my post.
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Re: The Salemite™

Postby Amour_Vulpes » Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:02 pm

Mushibag wrote:-Scissors.-


:3
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Re: The Salemite™

Postby pistolshrimp » Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:56 pm

I've done something that I think very few have done so far; actually read the Salemite. I am not going to say it is bad, but I am going to say its rough and I am going to offer you some constructive criticism.

1) Proof read before you "publish". This is a big one because some of the mistakes really take away from the work. For instance I had to stop to figure out what you meant in several places, does he actually mean the weather of Salem will be a factor in the game? I realized that you meant whether eventually, but it took me out of the experience. I suggest reading your articles aloud as it does really help, at the very least run it through word or something.

2) Have an opinion. I don't want to read that something may or may not be a good thing, a creature may or may not exist. I want to read something with substance to it. There is very little substance here and that's boring. I get that these are just filler articles and you hope to have people submit their own stuff, but be prepared to have to write a lot of filler before people feel you're actually going to stick around and "publish" their stuff. Give it time and while you are waiting write about something in this game you care about. Chance are people will be more receptive to that then hedging your bets and saying maybe.

3) What's with this Roman Church of God stuff. New church vs the old? If its supposed to be historically accurate its unfortunately not. Especially considering the puritans were more conservative than most in England and the pilgrims left holland because it was too damn liberal. If its some sort of RPG thing in game or out of game you need to fill us in. It's all over the place and it just confused me. Same thing with the North American Confederacy. This might actually be just a me thing tho.

4) These last suggestions are just that, suggestions. I add them in to give you something to think about rather than that I think they need to be changed per-se. First get rid of the TM after the Salemite. No ones going to steal it, and no one in the 1600s trade marked stuff like that. For me it takes me out of the feel. Second find a lighter paper file as your background and third use a nice crisp font for the text, something printing press-esque and just a little heavier than what you've got now. It will match your images better.

Okay, that my suggestions. If you stick around I'll try to submit something in the future.
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Re: The Salemite™

Postby pistolshrimp » Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:57 pm

OlBourbonShark wrote:Please consider for publication...I feel it brings a tender, more "human" side to the game.

OlBourbonShark and PistolShrimp: A Love Story

The PistolShrimp was weary from his work making maps. I knew how much he admired my lithe and supple limbs, so I danced for him, body glistening by the fire. He called me to his side and we engorged ourselves on the finest of sauteed crickets. He removed his colonial slacks and I looked at his member, as small and flimsy as a discarded shell of the crustacean in his name. "Back to the salt mines!", I thought to myself as our bodies heaved beneath our lean-to.

Thankee,

Olbs



When I was in England I couldn't stand people like you. Not a day of hard labour in all your 18 years. Just a life of luxury at home with your tutors learning Greek and Roman and the type by hand. I'd see you when you'd come down to the docks with your daddy; "to learn how to do business with us common folk." You'd hold your nose at the smell of the fish and the wharf boys would laugh at your discomfort. Hell, I'd laugh. I thought I hated you.

After I came to the new world I often found myself imagining what it'd be like for you here. No tutors, no fancy clothes, just man's county where its just you and death lurks just outside of whatever it is you can't handle. You wouldn't last a week in the lumberwoods. And at the time that thought pleased me.

However, when I was in Providence selling rattler skins and saw you step off the boat, eyes wide in horror of it all, I almost felt sorry for you. Of course at the time I told myself I'd take you under my wing just so as to watch how bad you would fail. Maybe I'd take you to the middle of nowhere and leave you, or trap you in a pen and give you to the chief. However as the days passed I felt my heart soften. So helpless. So in need of a real man. Watching your smooth, supple arms strain under even the simplest of chores, fetching water from the lake for our mushroom pots that night, harkened feelings in me I dared not name.

I would like to say, olburbonshark thats it's not the size of a man's new world gourd that counts it is its purity and how many inspiration points you have left, and that night, my friend, we had plenty.
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